I was fired up for 2020 when I posted the blank canvas I was about to begin on my Facebook page…I had a plan, it was late into February, but at the time I wrote “Better late than never”. Earlier in January, I had been distracted by a large plastic container.  It was filled with papers, cards and mementos that my Mom had saved for many years….years before even I was born.  I hadn’t looked inside the container for over six months, let alone explore its contents fully.  Suddenly after going through just a handful of its paperwork, I was hooked. Emotional reminders of life, birth announcements, countless birthday, anniversary, sympathy, get well and thinking of you cards – even a love letter to my Mom from my Dad before they married. It represented a time when a card was sent to a loved one or friend or even an acquaintance for literally any event…to celebrate or join in sympathy or thought. This journey through these papers provided me with a compassionate experience with the genuine tenderness of my Mother that has at times been strained through her bipolar illness. It was a snapshot of a lifetime before bipolar and reminded me of the entire community of family and friends that surrounded my parents when I was a child.  

When I created my social media post, it was with excitement, then like so many of us this past year, plans changed unwillingly, plans were cancelled and virtually all our sense of normalcy changed gears very quickly. My canvas is still blank. I was contemplating this today as I know I wasn’t the only one who had excited energy for 2020. For me, my artistic direction was set. When we entered the official pandemic, I felt my creative energy fizzle out. I used the remaining fizzle to complete a 2000 piece puzzle during the lockdown and admire this artist’s work used for its imagery. A perpetual lump in my throat about the topsy-turvy world I was in.

While my blank canvas of 2020 remained untouched, the year was abstract and unsettled. Also at times emotional, and raw for me. In the Spring, in the midst of lockdown, our 27 years old pet Cockatoo parrot companion, limp and foaming at the mouth nearly died…at midnight we passed him over to a vet technician standing outside the clinic wearing a hazmat suit. After 12 hours in an oxygen chamber, we were able to breathe a sigh of relief as he improved and we were able to bring him home two days later. Within a few days, he was his crazy, annoying and amazing self again. He has been with us for 24 years and sharing this responsibility with my husband for nearly half my life generated a tidal wave of emotions for our family when we nearly lost him.

Then my mother was admitted into the hospital under the guise of her mental health, but it turned out to be an infection inflicting her causing delusional symptoms, she was in a bad way so very quickly…the doctor prepared us for the worst wanting to update her end of life terms concerned about her eighty-year-old fragility and how CPR can affect such a frail body. I raged and cried for all the trauma she had been through in her lifetime, it was so unfair that she could possibly die during this Covid crisis alone in a hospital room. Eight hours drive away, I was able to organize with my brother, her CD player and her beloved Elvis music to listen to. If I couldn’t be there, Elvis could. It settled her and perhaps filled her room with positive energy making her feel safe and loved. Thankfully Mom pulled through with the amazing care and compassion from the hospital healthcare workers. She was able to return to her care home and recovered from her ordeal. Then a couple of months later, another hospital stay in the mental health unit lasted weeks when she refused her medication and would not eat. Another blessing when she turned a corner again thanks to the incredible care of the psychiatrist and nurses in the unit. Again she returned well to her care home recovering from this manic episode.  It was a rollercoaster of emotions for me in such a short period of time, and for myself, the emotional rollercoaster mirrored the unsettled atmosphere in the province, country and the world.

There comes a sort of responsibility as an artist. I feel the delighted expectations on people’s faces as they light up asking “What have you been working on lately?”. Particularly during this uneasy time, they seemed to really want to hear something even more wonderful. They seemed to crave a magical response. I really wanted to provide a breathtaking answer at how the pandemic with all its unpredictable daily changes and uncertainty had unlocked this unbelievable artistic energy inside me and I was creating the most amazing work to share with the world! However, my lever was simply switched off – even the pilot light. I felt a sense of sadness not having to be able to present this alternative story, particularly as I watched other artists seemingly showcase their best creative life on social media. I know it is so lame to compare oneself even after knowing this is a peril of social media but feeling this artistic duty became a heavy feeling.

While in my creative void during this summer, I began to be contacted and commissioned to create artwork for individuals. I felt the spark inside as I have always been open to working with clients to make their memories and loved ones become works of art. Over the last 37 years, I have a portfolio full of commissions, many became treasured family heirlooms. Created under my clients’ requests and trusted in my hands to make their memory or tribute come to life through paint or pencil then the enjoyment for myself during the moment my work has been presented to its emotional owner. Especially now, during this time of continuous change and unbalance, it feels all the sweeter and fulfilling to be the reason behind their personal gratitude. I am booked well into 2021 with commissions and I feel very blessed and honoured by these clients who reached out and trusted in me to be their chosen artist.

I recall my family box of the special mementos which represent the cherished relationships and memories that surround us providing security and safety. As an artist completing a commission, I become a translator collaborating with my client’s own cherished memories to become an artistic reality. Each piece I create, I learn from, I spend time with, feel the emotion of the captured moment and like a puzzle place it together. It takes imagination to get into the energy and feeling in someone else’s memory and their story. I have been enjoying having this direction as with all the uncertainty while I have not felt inspired to create my own work. I have come to terms with this knowing the time will come again for my own personal creative discoveries and explorations, but devoting myself at this moment in this way while bringing joy to individuals by connecting with their visions and making them become an artistic reality has been rewarding and inspiring in itself.

This quote by an unknown author, while used for other years speaks volumes for the upcoming year.

 “May the tears you shed in 2020, water the seeds you are planting in 2021”

Wishing you all the very best for 2021.

Some of the heartfelt commissions created during 2020 while the blank canvas remains untouched until it entices me to begin. I know that time will come.